The Bronze Serpent and Philistine Foreskin -March 7, 2025

00:00:00 Unknown: Well, welcome back to the show. We're sorry. Welcome. Bienvenidos. Tell me Peggy, um, how are you doing? I'm doing well. Well, let me tell you how I'm doing. That's about it. I'm doing well. How are you? Well, it's cool. Like the, like the whiskey. Like when I order a drink at the bar. Yeah, it's basically like that. Except I'm... The house specials. The house specials. How are you? I'm doing, I'm doing just fine. That's excellent. We are here in Peggy's bedroom. We are, you might hear cars passing by because she lives under the freeway. No, I'm just joking. I'm just, I'm just joking. It's like a troll troll. Yeah, troll troll. It's a cult troll. It's a culture troll. It's a culture troll. It's the PC culture troll. The PC culture troll. Um, yes, so that's how, that's how we're doing. Um, things are going well. We are 100% doing it for the fun of it. Um. I have fun. I have so much fun. That's good. Yeah. You'll never work a day in your life. If you don't go to work. If you just wake up late every day. It's excellent, actually. You'll never work a day in your life if you continue to get fired. Yeah, and even if you... Do you have a job that you didn't get fired from? Many a people go and just still don't do work. I know, I decided to work for myself at one point in my life, and I realized I'm a terrible employee. I was gonna fire me, but I quit showing up, so. You ghosted yourself. I was like at the bar one night and be like, what am I going to tell me tomorrow? That's excellent. But you know what? You should be your most sympathetic self to yourself. No, but I'm really good. I tricked myself every time. I was like, okay, well, you can have it this one time. Tonight's gonna be different, I swear. I'm sorry, I had to go to my brother's funeral. I was like, your brother didn't die. How do you know? Well, I'm me. Oh, yeah, that one again. Okay. No, really. Oh, shit. I got questions about the legitimacy of your brother's funeral. That's terrible. By who, my brother? No, it's not, Peggy. That's funny. No, my old ex-employer. I'm just joking. Um, so Bible stories, Bible thumpers. Let's do a quick one. Let's do the bronze serpent. Bronze serpent's so much fun. Okay, this is why we love Old Testament God. Like... Here we have his favorite Egyptians, not the favorite Egyptians, we have his favorite Israelites leaving Egypt. Mm-hmm. And they're bitching and they're moaning. And they're like, mm. They're like, bitch, bitch, bitch, moan, moan, moan. Mm-hmm. 100%. They're bitching and moaning because they're having sex in between bitching. What? I've never understood the saying, but I'm not good at sayings. Did it ever say they were happy? The bitching and the moaning. It's like, you guys are either bitching or you're fucking like, what's the bitching and the moaning, right? One or the other, we can't have both. They did, they did try to have their cake and eat it too. But here's the thing. So they're like, we were slaves, but we were fed every day. And the food didn't suck. Moses, food sucks now. This is awful. We have no water. Everything's gonna be... Nothing good came out of their mouths. You know what God did? What did God do? He sent him snakes. And they were fighting people. People were dying, just left and right. And then they're like, oh, shit. Can you tell God we're sorry? I think we made a mistake. Oh, you know what I, right? The bread was way better than dying by snake bite. They're hiding in the bushes and just snapping at us. Right, which sucks because you know in the desert there's like one bush. Oh, man. The one that didn't burn down. That's awesome. So then God takes their apology and he's like, okay, I'll give you a cure. Hey, Moses, go make them a snake statue. That's so funny. I know how much you guys love your statues. And it's just so funny. You look at it, you look at it, and focus on healing, and it will come. And it's like, man, those snakes bit me. How do I look at that and not be pissed off? Okay, I'm sorry. You're right. I don't want to die. Right. I don't want to die. And the food wasn't that bad. The bronze serpent. That's that. How do you feel about it? I think that's just a wonderful story about a bronze serpent. It is. He actually gave them very clear instructions as well. Like, go ahead and destroy it after, you know, the snakes are gone and we're done with it. And they didn't. They kept it and worshipped it and idolized it and stuff, so. And in true Jew fashion. Like, well, it was free. The quintessential Jew thing to do is whatever I want to do and tell you how you're doing it wrong. I heard a pretty fucked up joke today. It's like, they should stop saying free Palestine because it's just going to make the Jews want it more. Oh, no, that's funny. It's funny because it's true. Yeah, it's fucking hilarious. Funny because it's Jew. That was good. I appreciate the humor in it. It's so good. It's so funny. It is. It really, it's really funny. I feel like you might be kind of mocking me slightly, but no, no, it's very funny. I'm the one who said the terrible joke. Oh, are you talking about your joke? I thought you were talking about the story. Oh, no, no, the story's funny too. But yeah, your joke was, your joke was funnier. No, no. I'm just kidding. Oh, man, well, they're equally as true. Yeah, I think people think that Old Testament God was a bully. No, he's just God. I just really like him though. He's just God. Yeah, he's just God. He made so much sense. In other news, another blitz real quick, jumping ship here. King Saul told David, go get me Philistine foreskin. Give me like 500 or something like that. He said, he said a number. I'm totally wrong. And David was like, okay. So Saul wanted David dead and he kept trying to kill him and David, that sneaky little stone thrower, he just never got killed by Saul. So Saul's like, okay, I'm gonna let the Philistines have him. David, go get me 100 foreskin. He's such a good servant too, he's like, I'm gonna give you a thousand. He comes back with double. And he's just like, oh, could you imagine the look on Saul's face? He's like, oh. How are you still alive? How did you get near all that dick? You got not one but two full sacks? Right. Oh, we didn't even have to kill them. I just asked to see their dicks. Whole bushels. They came out by the bushels. That's so good. I love that. No, that really is. Any time that David would play his harp, King Saul would take a spear and lunge it at him. And everyone thinks it's because the spear was messing with Saul, but I'm starting to wonder if like maybe like... Maybe David just wasn't that good at the harp. David, no, David was an excellent harpist. He just only knew that one song. He just knew one song. He was like, you guys want to hear Freebird again? Oh, that's so good. Yeah, and I imagine that after some time it was just not okay. I don't know why he didn't sabotage the harp. Oh, man. Well, you think so? I think you tried. But guys, that's gonna be the Blitz. That's the end of the Blitz. Bye. Thanks for hanging out. We're sorry. You're welcome.